tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61603462012-01-27T13:46:29.315-08:00Colleen Does ThisOne of me.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.comBlogger26121100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-68278975153786198682012-01-27T13:46:00.000-08:002012-01-27T13:46:29.330-08:00I had an idea just now, in the public restroom, that made me ashamed. I was ashamed to have this idea. Which in many ways is ridiculous, because it's not like I have conscious control over my sudden ideas. I suppose I was ashamed that I entertained the idea and didn't immediately dismiss it as garbage. I let it linger in my head and poked at it and let it roll around in there and expose it's Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-78174390096797138132012-01-27T12:38:00.001-08:002012-01-27T12:38:32.082-08:00Some people will try to tell you that time doesn't exist. Don't believe them, they're lying to you. It's all that exists.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-31173353043367708122012-01-27T12:36:00.000-08:002012-01-27T12:36:44.835-08:00Weren't you laughing, that evening,
on my bathroom floor?
Or were you weeping, my darling?
I can't remember anymore.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-12171215519737497752012-01-24T13:27:00.001-08:002012-01-24T13:27:44.786-08:00 http://gu.com/p/35vqd
worked for me.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-53686087665977487832012-01-21T12:44:00.001-08:002012-01-21T12:44:18.965-08:00Fuck. I blew it somehow.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-77918111131672198072012-01-20T12:47:00.001-08:002012-01-20T12:50:16.946-08:00I'm going to write a trashy novel called "Drug Me with Your Dick", wanna be in it?
you can have a minor part and write your own dialogue/ have say in your actions, you might only exist on an Iphone though, I haven't decided how this is going to work yet. And it'll likely be at least six months before I start writing it seriously.
but it'll probably be made into a really bad movie in like 25 yearsColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-53659339725146406272012-01-20T12:41:00.001-08:002012-01-20T12:41:41.570-08:00I'm going to write a real trashy novel and call it Drug Me with Your Dick. Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-13440448110516202812012-01-20T00:11:00.001-08:002012-01-20T00:11:42.145-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-62377400507652904132012-01-19T15:49:00.000-08:002012-01-19T15:49:23.874-08:00GO TO THE DENTIST ON SATURDAY AT 3:30!Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-10589107090888763782012-01-18T23:24:00.000-08:002012-01-18T23:24:16.181-08:00I was almost infused with that excellent mania this afternoon, but then I perused the poetry section at the university bookstore, and after flipping a few pages, the heavy dread of depression descended once again.
I don't know where to put my commas or when I'm using too many adjectives.
I'm learning how to grow sentence trees though. It's like math with sentences. It looks like science. It's Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-77459979043277644142012-01-18T13:17:00.001-08:002012-01-18T13:17:40.634-08:00I WASN'T DESIGNED FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN MAGIC AND TIME TRAVEL THROUGH OUTERSPACES AND DEEP DEEP TELEPATHIES.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-12852342128096365402012-01-18T12:46:00.000-08:002012-01-18T13:12:22.839-08:00that yearning
abscess nagged
by the rhythm
of this very pulse--
by the workings
of circulation
and the obscenity
of daily routineColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-48171466435958110542012-01-14T16:42:00.000-08:002012-01-14T16:58:18.411-08:00 I went on a date last night. I tried to make the guy guess my last name. He was struggling, so I told him I'd go to the washroom and he could have a think on it. When I came back he said my last name as his first guess. Obviously he went into my purse, through my wallet and checked my I.D. He tried to pass it off like he was psychic.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-61785587450569083592012-01-14T15:01:00.000-08:002012-01-14T15:38:16.659-08:00
I wrote this in the hour before it was due, in an existential fever, for my muse. It was way better received than it deserved to be.
Love Between WorldsLove is a strange problem requiring the expression of an intense and private subjectivity in an objective world. In his 1925 short story, “The Return of Chorb”, Vladimir Nabokov explores love’s dual nature, by playing with the notion of what is Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-52575131490780142272012-01-13T12:45:00.000-08:002012-01-13T16:09:19.359-08:00The future is clear in its uncertainty, finally. The plans I have are so vague and incoherent that I'm being realistic about my expectations for the first time in my life--I don't know what to expect. All of the various facets of my life are in the process of slowly disintegrating into chaos. They now depend mostly on the unfolding of events beyond my control. I am in a sort of lovely limbo rightColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-70849783691396586722012-01-11T13:33:00.001-08:002012-01-11T13:40:54.107-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-74842994127543114592012-01-11T12:39:00.003-08:002012-01-11T12:39:36.175-08:00Cognitive dissonance started this and now it'll kill it.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-13444708551868956502012-01-11T12:39:00.001-08:002012-01-11T12:39:29.161-08:00Cognitive dissonance started this and now it'll kill it.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-44226493219421899102012-01-10T15:52:00.001-08:002012-01-10T15:52:19.458-08:00And then they can't even shit in the shopping malls.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-3502531765595908822012-01-10T14:26:00.001-08:002012-01-10T14:26:03.177-08:00I just want to make your life more beautiful.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-66520478621971060452012-01-09T12:59:00.001-08:002012-01-09T12:59:29.778-08:00nothing is ever truly private and dark pebbles are banded with white and the streetlamps interrupt the night and the creaking of bed frames spills into the hallways.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-47964141861273133002012-01-09T00:22:00.003-08:002012-01-09T00:27:04.242-08:00This sort of love leaves ghosts.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-72716014126310276612012-01-08T10:57:00.000-08:002012-01-08T14:57:51.822-08:00"Colleen, you need to pull your shit together, look at you, you're a wreck. Stop destroying everything around you, and start putting some serious work into your life. Start taking life seriously. Start building something for yourself and stop joyously flapping around in mediocrity."Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-75129934675507175142012-01-08T09:24:00.001-08:002012-01-08T09:24:49.442-08:00Fuck it. Guess I'm moving to Norway.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-36731059182897415532012-01-07T15:47:00.000-08:002012-01-07T15:47:31.073-08:00Sometimes I like the ritual of getting ready for a date more than the dates themselves. I bathe and shave and lotion and apply makeup like it's a religious ceremony for my cult of self. I transform myself into an alluring container for secret raw sexual power. Black eyeliner and red lipstick hold some sort of ancient occult significance for me. The art of dressing up with the intention of slow Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-58928681824328938032012-01-06T12:25:00.000-08:002012-01-06T12:34:17.913-08:00I'm swimming contentedly through massive bathtub of metaphor. This is the semester of metaphor. I'm tired of stripping away, lets cover the truth up with more lovely decorations and abstractions okay?Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-23980965598332641022012-01-04T23:15:00.001-08:002012-01-05T15:03:52.716-08:00THE RETURN OF CHORB- loving and grieving publicly and privately, subjectivity of love, the mystery of love, the opera vs. the honeymoon, the room in the family home vs. the hotel room, artifacts and rituals of love, love's intangibilityColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-39546682020857524132012-01-04T12:42:00.000-08:002012-01-04T13:39:54.563-08:00I think I'm going to start a new form of silly mysticism/fortune-telling where the first two letters of your name determine the course of your destiny and the things that will ruin your life eventually.
For me:
Coffee
Control
Cohabitation
Concentration
Coldness
Counselling
Condemned
Coven
College
Costs
Computer
Coffin
Condescension
Combustion
Court
Company
Colours
Cords
Comb
Coast
Coral
Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-39439193060889818012012-01-04T12:19:00.001-08:002012-01-04T12:19:51.495-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-34075788361245841852012-01-02T19:20:00.000-08:002012-01-02T19:24:34.238-08:00Collect glimpses of it caught like dust in old spiderwebs,
They stick and gather anxiety around them.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-79481386276823254182012-01-02T18:57:00.001-08:002012-01-02T18:57:26.372-08:00They are all more innocent than I. My face is a lie about my insides.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-28759116188720048572011-12-31T18:41:00.001-08:002011-12-31T18:41:46.837-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-5545568015964883942011-12-31T18:33:00.001-08:002011-12-31T18:33:31.852-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-16380363265095138362011-12-31T14:49:00.001-08:002011-12-31T14:49:49.059-08:00I need a real job in 2012.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-89886411035013935682011-12-31T07:07:00.000-08:002011-12-31T07:07:30.895-08:00I hate the fact that other people think I have potential. They don't know what great lengths one part of me goes to in order to dismantle itself.
Does anyone else feel their time becoming denser? Does anyone else feel their brain aging? Should I start exercising regularly?Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-30464906605764976042011-12-31T01:01:00.000-08:002011-12-31T01:01:36.740-08:00Your heart is a peaking line in your chest.
In the bath, when I was small and there were bubbles, I would pile them into little white hills and mountains along the side of the tub.
Now I stare at my feet.
Now I inspect my legs for ingrown hairs.
I am a peaking line in your chest. I'm building piles there. Count me out in beats.
When I move you move.
I am the end of the line in your chest.
Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-78829441085556612312011-12-31T00:55:00.000-08:002011-12-31T00:55:56.730-08:00In the cafe lit by fluorescent lights. Pastries in clear plastic boxes. Old Italian man made my cappuccino very slowly, poured into a sytrofoam cup. Another one, sitting in the corner stared at me, unwaveringly. I am in this place. Strong deja vu. Paintings of matadors, checkered floors. I know all the thoughts in all the heads. I am precisely where I should be. Reality is wild and belongs to me.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-21020466125535183802011-12-29T21:25:00.000-08:002011-12-29T21:25:58.450-08:00Sometimes I do very odd things. I'm folding in on myself.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-76276730965036766232011-12-21T18:38:00.001-08:002011-12-21T18:44:45.273-08:00It's so great to be me sometimes. To be so beautiful and smart and funny and talented and get to hang out with myself all the time. Wow, I'm so great. I love me.
[6:36:49 PM] Colleen: holy shit I'm in love with myself right now
[6:36:55 PM] Colleen: I made the best truffles
[6:37:00 PM] Colleen: and I look hot
[6:37:24 PM] Colleen: I wish I could just stay home and eat truffles and masturbate inColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-62677893373158252482011-12-17T22:06:00.001-08:002011-12-17T22:06:42.565-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-11104487145348851532011-12-17T09:23:00.001-08:002011-12-17T09:23:59.398-08:00Well, that was fun!Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-1561993353667679572011-12-16T14:49:00.000-08:002011-12-16T14:55:21.297-08:00I'm going to pull a manic all-night study session tonight for my exam in the morning, just to see if I can get 100% on the thing, for the hell of it. It's all multiple choice, and I'm existentially bored. I'm going to sublimate dat hoe.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-72398575124045332282011-12-16T11:53:00.000-08:002011-12-16T11:53:17.585-08:00THE ULTIMATE "NO" IS "YES TO EVERYTHING!"Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-75889483008761462102011-12-16T11:30:00.000-08:002011-12-16T11:36:49.904-08:00I just figured out how to write the ending of my novel. It's going to be so ridiculous and stupid and wonderful and hilarious and horrible and macabre. People are going to think I'm absolutely batshit crazy. The whole thing is going to unravel into a colourful freedom circus of madness and chaos and it's going to be disgusting and disturbing and funny and so cluttered up with everything I can Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-77235026846278344282011-12-16T11:08:00.000-08:002011-12-16T11:08:11.243-08:00I'm going dancing. I'm going to drown in the wine and the dance. Tomorrow night, I'm dancing.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-86360254593180661292011-12-14T17:27:00.000-08:002011-12-14T17:27:27.014-08:00HAHAHA EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM!Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-39065907633528468872011-12-14T11:52:00.000-08:002011-12-14T11:52:10.386-08:00Can't be a nihilist. I love my family too much.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-51029901066333141482011-12-13T12:19:00.001-08:002011-12-13T12:19:51.112-08:00Maybe the devil will take me.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-84743706502614592862011-12-12T19:13:00.000-08:002011-12-12T21:51:55.447-08:00I forgot that finals make me incredibly horny and frustrated. Before there was always someone around to release the tension on. Now it's just this terrible downward spiral of self-loathing and teeth-grinding. Sometimes I really wish I could just be a big slut.
Intense heterosexual monogamy is the lamest sexual orientation. I can only be attracted to one person at a time. And then I'm Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-49387143652763205982011-12-12T15:59:00.000-08:002011-12-12T15:59:19.304-08:00I can't tell if I'm severely depressed or just too smart to care about all the dumb shit I'm supposed to care about.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-13079528586361021842011-12-12T13:12:00.001-08:002011-12-12T13:13:23.596-08:00Reproduction is dumb. Stop it.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-88460105014040101952011-12-12T01:20:00.000-08:002011-12-12T15:48:58.082-08:00I have almost complete cognitive control over my emotions now. And it leaves me so bored. It's like when you find the cheat codes for a game and you play for a bit and then just feel profoundly cheap and empty. I think I've broken myself.
I know what I need.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-10366453565314761212011-12-12T00:54:00.001-08:002011-12-12T01:16:43.988-08:00I fucking miss fear.
And this freedom is debilitating.
Give me your wrist and let me find your pulse.
Let me find a pulse.
Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-43747075405931678842011-12-05T11:43:00.001-08:002011-12-05T11:43:11.271-08:00Sex and the Internet.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-36876216125599896742011-12-02T14:34:00.001-08:002011-12-02T15:34:19.698-08:00I just want to tell you how I feel.
Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-6384527787681831172011-12-02T01:03:00.000-08:002011-12-02T01:04:11.211-08:00I'm going through my old Myspace inbox. When I was eighteen I had an odd conversation with a semi-famous rapper. He sent me stuff like this and told me about all the ways he wanted to fuck me. Can you guess who he is?
"There's a Newport cigarette butt in the ashtray,
but we don't let people smoke at our place,
Beethoven barely heard the bugs in the ceiling,
the witch baby won't show her face...Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-80230357325837259842011-11-30T22:56:00.001-08:002011-11-30T22:56:43.587-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-78341459996784360612011-11-30T15:02:00.000-08:002011-11-30T15:02:01.101-08:00I'm pretty sure the problem is that I've convinced myself that romance consists of terrible longing feelings interspersed by moments of elation at the intricate and transcendent beauty of another human being. Like I want to swim around in your psyche and bathe myself in your brain chemistry. But I can't, so romance.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-19804074966185110212011-11-28T21:38:00.000-08:002011-11-28T21:40:27.374-08:00So now I'm completely infatuated with some beautiful guy who lives in fucking Norway. That's what happens when you go looking for romance, you find it. And it's on the internet and you can't touch it.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-58131231319502561252011-11-25T15:58:00.000-08:002011-11-25T15:58:21.816-08:00If you spend enough time in the simulation it will infect you. You will become a simulation of yourself. And the self you had will disappear completely because the simulation feels more real because you fucking made it. This sort of control is no good. This sort of control over one's own emotions will only lead to boredom and the craving for real emotions that you can never have again. You can Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-69603112743776913882011-11-25T14:36:00.001-08:002011-11-25T14:36:58.447-08:00http://poemsaboutinternetdating.com/
I'm so happy this already exists, otherwise I'd have to do it myself.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-81764502786376603942011-11-22T10:31:00.000-08:002011-11-22T10:31:11.922-08:00Alcoholics and sympatric speciation:
like the bugs that mate on their host fruit--
like with like in the bar.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-80562686344306397842011-11-21T23:25:00.001-08:002011-11-21T23:25:56.106-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-72307228987568942392011-11-21T22:07:00.001-08:002011-11-22T00:26:37.951-08:00i really hope this kid doesnt have an annoying voicei can't do it with an annoying voiceuggh what if he smells weird?or if he has a stupid walk?oh my godwhat if he wears a vest?
he will probably wear a vestColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-52190534139225428792011-11-18T02:03:00.001-08:002011-11-18T02:03:22.629-08:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-12932531002980678912011-11-17T13:21:00.000-08:002011-11-17T13:35:46.294-08:00An old poet friend kept this for me. I had naturally forgotten about it until he sent it to me this morning. Weird. Odd how often we don't know the things we already know. I already knew so much then. I probably shouldn't put this here, but I am. Mostly so that I don't lose it again.
Tracing the scars on his arm,
I laughed,
"It's funny how you're covered in self-inflicted wounds."
Hundreds Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-12261580291909709182011-11-15T00:00:00.000-08:002011-11-15T00:29:49.972-08:00Everyone is really bad at romance. Fuck everything. You all suck.
I'm going to finish school and write books.
I'm going to get so romantic with myself that it'll disgust everyone.
I'm going to write the greatest love story ever written and then I'm going to kill the characters in a really boring meaningless way, or they'll just break up for no real reason at all. Yeah that's worse. They'll Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-87916255481443332432011-11-14T22:14:00.001-08:002011-11-14T22:14:51.702-08:00This is really boring.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-76287898986352406342011-11-14T17:44:00.000-08:002011-11-14T17:44:22.187-08:00I really like that other gender. They baffle me in the most exciting ways.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-89730756153194035502011-11-14T12:59:00.001-08:002011-11-14T18:33:43.930-08:00Fuck writing. I'm just going to like things instead. I like this:
Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-46244454909054609312011-11-13T00:56:00.001-08:002011-11-13T00:56:33.808-08:00totallybut whateverlife is dumbyou can do whateverColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-66249703146459582662011-11-12T09:10:00.000-08:002011-11-12T09:10:11.924-08:00I'm going for a walk with a stranger in a couple hours. This is supposed to be romantic. I feel like I'm living in a brave new world. How can this possibly be romantic?
I hope it pours rain on us and I fall in the mud and then he sits down in the mud and goose shit with me and we kiss with tongues.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-7086454007176179572011-11-10T23:42:00.001-08:002011-11-10T23:47:23.641-08:00
From one of my more mysterious friends.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-28423022029769843642011-11-10T23:02:00.000-08:002011-11-10T23:02:02.262-08:00The "U" key on my new keyboard keeps falling off. I'm hoping that this isn't a symbol for something.
I can't wait until I'm finished this year of school so that I can take a year off and write my fucking face off. I'm going to finish Constellation Face and that awkward short story about that middle-aged guy who buys a brooch for his house-sitter and then I think I'll write a long-poem about Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-35072059782073750542011-11-08T13:34:00.000-08:002011-11-08T15:08:03.986-08:00I'm filling my evenings with dating. With "let's go get a coffee and I'll ask you questions about who you want to tell me you are. Do you like this thing? I like it too. Good for me. Good for you. You didn't realize I could turn you on. That was an accident, I didn't mean to look at you like that. I'm trying to turn myself on for you but there is this horrible honesty in my body. I won't let you Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-60260079202148368882011-11-08T13:23:00.000-08:002011-11-08T14:57:11.824-08:00Because I could feel the morning,
felt sick this morning,
in the tub, shaving my legs.
In that yellow light,
my extended leg prickled
with hairs erected by
my gag reflex.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-26458206754053932822011-11-07T00:24:00.000-08:002011-11-08T13:02:14.357-08:00And the tears start and before I can even tell
they're in the corners of my mouth
all salty and resting and you've torn my insides out
just now.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-5180076291874380182011-11-07T00:03:00.000-08:002011-11-07T00:03:16.563-08:00All the people are so rich and beautiful. Don't be afraid to lay bare before me the intricate puzzles of your sufferings and ecstasies. I will see them and adore them and I will adore you for them. If you need adoring, I am the person for you. I can adore anyone like they've never been adored before, all we need is fearlessness and honesty. All we need is emotional transparency. Even if you're Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-85251836825707887962011-11-05T17:07:00.001-07:002011-11-05T17:07:11.278-07:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-25669663172099884762011-11-05T13:50:00.000-07:002011-11-05T16:31:18.047-07:00
This makes me so silly happy. And this is just part one.
"Let's return to first object of fascination: toilet bowl. He flushes it and then the terrible thing happens. In our most elementary experience, when we flush the toilet, excrements simply disappear out of our reality into another space, which we phenomenologically perceive as a kind of a netherworld--another reality--chaotic Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-33767609178968907452011-11-05T11:56:00.000-07:002011-11-05T11:56:43.742-07:00School makes me use my leisure time more wisely. All of this doing what I don't want to do for days on end gives me wild inspiration for what I do want to do when I can. I'm going to the cafe, to have a cappuccino and breakfast foods, and watch Pervert's Guide to Cinema on my laptop. Then I'm going to come home and write a little story. Then I'm going to prep an essay for Sex Psychology. Then I'mColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-65254972107245611532011-11-04T09:44:00.000-07:002011-11-04T10:49:48.889-07:00It's eight degrees out there. Fearlessness. Dry mouth. Clean hair.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-82039630802531673972011-11-03T00:54:00.001-07:002011-11-03T00:59:44.747-07:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-71774053728913189252011-11-02T22:34:00.000-07:002011-11-02T22:34:24.827-07:00
More Downie. I'm sorry.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-5219314279239071332011-11-02T18:21:00.001-07:002011-11-02T18:21:21.273-07:00The pendulum swings, and I'm back to being, doing, and wanting things.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-39732882982960557802011-11-02T18:13:00.001-07:002011-11-02T18:13:51.107-07:00"I come from downtown. Born ready for you. Armed with will and determination. And grace, too."Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-24344658450950985102011-11-02T18:02:00.001-07:002011-11-02T18:02:45.461-07:00I wish I was high on morphine in a hot-tub right now.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-57493901996295448242011-11-02T15:35:00.001-07:002011-11-02T15:35:44.837-07:00Possess a feeling of mind.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-50468338836492406452011-11-01T22:17:00.000-07:002011-11-01T22:37:06.843-07:00FICTOFEELING
AND
FLEEINGColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-82656272403852052622011-11-01T12:16:00.000-07:002011-11-01T12:16:15.619-07:00I should care more about what I'm doing. I used to care too much. I think I've been cured of my perfectionism. Everything is fine now. I don't need control over anything. I don't need to appear to be anything. Inside I am nothing. Everything is mostly nothing.
I swing like a pendulum between a fierce Nietzschean will-to-power and a sweet Daoist-like nihilism. Will-to-power is good for the gradesColleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-32349889723051313452011-11-01T11:27:00.000-07:002011-11-01T11:27:16.977-07:00I just blew my biology midterm because I fell in love with the words and didn't pay any attention to the math.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-47900779640488203502011-10-31T01:57:00.001-07:002011-10-31T01:57:59.130-07:00http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/30/opinion/sunday/giving-the-fbi-what-it-wants.html?_r=1Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-40451105152949434132011-10-31T01:30:00.000-07:002011-10-31T01:30:08.091-07:00"31) Exposure of zebrafish nuclei to meiotic cytosol resulted in phosphorylation of NEP55 and
L68 proteins by cyclin-dependent kinase 2. NEP55 is a protein of the inner nuclear membrane,
and L68 is a protein of the nuclear lamina. What is the most likely role of phosphorylation of
these proteins in the process of mitosis?"
I love that sort of language. "Cytosol". Gorgeous.
I don't think I'm Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-49655445371142439402011-10-30T22:17:00.000-07:002011-10-30T22:17:35.312-07:00I didn't wash my hair today and I was hungover and the black eye-makeup from last night didn't fully wash off and I started my period and I'm tired and floppy and five different men called me beautiful over the course of eight hours.
What the hell is going on? I don't understand how people could possibly find me attractive. I'm just so damn odd and awkward.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-68948316081225561982011-10-30T09:25:00.001-07:002011-10-30T09:25:15.716-07:00Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-51966325147727804202011-10-28T17:23:00.000-07:002011-10-28T17:23:00.546-07:00There is a thief with me in every room
stealing the sun from noon
and the moon from midnight.
There is a thief who takes the warmth
from my coffee and the glow
from your face at once.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-15178718734609241732011-10-28T13:06:00.000-07:002011-10-28T13:06:14.920-07:00When I was six or seven I wanted to be a bride for Halloween. I dressed up as a child bride. I think that's my scariest Halloween costume ever.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-65566360093495419512011-10-28T11:36:00.000-07:002011-10-28T12:11:53.081-07:00I love studying genetics. It's like this happy candy for my brain. Everything is so neat and simple and fascinating and bizarre. We need more biology metaphors in everyday language in place of all the religious ones. Okay? Let's do this? Make it so familiar that we don't even have to learn it formally? So familiar that it's embedded in our art and culture. So that all the kiddies know it Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-39638930674934999382011-10-28T00:53:00.000-07:002011-10-28T01:16:21.046-07:00
Can we start calling the 20-40 stage of life the "prometaphase"? It translates to "before middle-phase", and it sounds cool. I'm just in my prometaphase, you know. Trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be, before metaphase hits.Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6160346.post-70536689617304058312011-10-27T21:29:00.001-07:002011-10-27T21:34:15.099-07:00
Aarin: interphased kinetochore and applewood smoked crostinis served with a dead sea water martini me: can you mitosis that?
Aarin: that sounds like a classy version of super sizefirst class mcdonaldsi'll have the kinetochore caviar on elderflower interphased cedar wood crostinis, and can you please mitosis that?Colleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10131907758325886675noreply@blogger.com0